Pregnant woman: oh my god he's kicking!!
Me: *punches her in the stomach* you think it's fucking cool to hit girls you little bitch??

yourfavouritecharacter-isdead:

please don’t unfollow me 
here have a snickers 

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you get a bit delusional when you’re hungry 


sexualbae:

won’t drink lukewarm water but i’ll put another person’s genitals in my mouth


phobias:

if i had my licence the only thing i’d use it for is mcdonalds at 3am


gnarly:

Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you still have time to sleep

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spankmehardbarry:

sorry i cant reblog that, i have standards

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abbavevo:

i love australian news

abbavevo:

i love australian news




spaghetticunt:

urtube:

lms if you’re a 90’s kid and remember columbus coming to america

1492 represent


guccier:

goals in life;

  1. have a friend who becomes rich and famous or
  2. be that friend

deduct:

i really wanna be in a movie but on the other hand, i’d probably make them delete the every scene because i looked bad


mightyflower:

to quote hamlet act III scene iii line 92, “no”

are u high
people who have never been high when someone says something a bit odd  (via ted—bundy)



fake-mermaid:

this is what happens when i don’t answer my texts

fake-mermaid:

this is what happens when i don’t answer my texts